Sunday, July 24, 2005

RINGRINGRINGRING.......

Its finally here.
The weekend. The period of time where things slow down and I can get my head about me again.
Not this weekend. My phone rang off the hook with calls for work. I had ever tech out on a call except for two. I really get so mad now when I am trying just to get a minute to myself and the phone rings. Its to the point that I am considering having the phone WIRING removed from my house.
Im stressed beyond belief. I fly off the handle in the blink of an eye and all I want now is just some peace.
Saturday, I got up, changed the oil in my truck and when I went to drive it, I drove by the church where they were putting up the tent for VBS. So I stopped to see if they needed help and it must have been over 90 degrees outside and it was barely 11:00. I helped for a while until I had to leave and take care of calls for work.
Later that day, I met Dwayne for a few minutes just to talk and I laid out all my cards on the table. I told him of my frustration with God and unanswered prayers. I told him about being depressed about being alone, stress at work, the past few weeks. All of it. I laid it out there. We talked about things in his life getting him down and how he is pulling himself up. He said, in a nutshell, give it up to God. Let Him take it.
That is SO not me. I want everything to be perfect. I want everything to be right and I want to help make it that way if its not. I try to do everything myself and I cant. Regardless of how hard I try, I cant. I cant not alone that is. I need to let God move. I need Him to be in control, and right now, in my life, He isnt.
I didnt enjoy the messages at Westridge on joy. Now it seems those messages are coming back to haunt me. Mom told me to read Phillipians 4:13....

"13I can do everything through Him who gives me strength. "

And todays message Dwayne led was on Phillipians 4:4-7

4Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Maybe I need to go back and listen to those messages on joy.....

On a different note, the youth led worship this morning playing "King" by Tree 63 and "Yearn" by Shane and Shane. It was awesome!!!

Baby steps.....
One day, they will experience the worship that I have at 722, at Northpoint, at the Vineyard, at the Rock and now at Westridge. True worship where you are just absolutely pouring out your heart to God. Not worship as a chore you have to do when everyone pulls out the hymnal.

"And we will give You Glory
bring You Honor
King above all Kings
You deserve our everything
We will lift our voices
with Your praises
Jesus you are our King." - "King - Tree 63"

Thursday, July 21, 2005

I love it when a plan comes together....

One of those days.....
One of those weeks.....
One of those months......
Quicksand....
Nothing goes right. Not even close to right. The harder you try to make things work out, the faster you sink. It's just like quicksand.
Work has stressed me to the breaking point. People are upset because they are hot and we aren't down the street waiting on their call. Now I know what its like to work at the cable company. Yet again, here I am trying to do it all, trying to fix everything all at once, trying to do it all by myself, and I can't.
Work has consumed me. My phone rings from the time I get up until the time I go to sleep and then rings while I am asleep. I just don't hear it.
And now, I have a new way to vent my frustration. I bought an X box. Of course this brings about a whole new bottle of problems. Now I get frustrated when I can't enjoy it due to work, or the house, or Tim is on it. Or, if I am on the Xbox, I am thinking of what needs to be done around the house.
So I have set up a plan. From the time that I get home until 7 is free time. Whatever I want to do for enjoyment or to relax, I do it here. From 7 until 9, I work around the house. From 9 until 10 thats the time to set up for work the next day or finish things around the house. If I accomplish what I need to, then its more free time.
It sounds good in a blog. I wish I could keep on it....