Wednesday, September 29, 2004

How quickly life changes.....

I once wrote a poem about how quickly life changes. (http://www.freewebs.com/kwhite75/life.html). Often, I look back and I am reminded of exactly how much this is true. This October 31, I will have been in Atlanta for 6 years. I can't believe it has been that long. In that time so much has happened.
Recently, things have changed tremendously.
1 - Holley, moved to Florida to be closer to her family. I maintain a close friendship with her and her family even helping them find a generator when hurrican Ivan wiped out their house. Even though things did not work out with me and Holley, her family still means a lot to me.
2 - My relationship with Tiffany came to an end as well. Nothing happened that I can pinpoint, caused the breakup. It just happened. She needed more time that I was able to give. I needed more freedom than she was able to give. As usual, I maintain a close friendship with her also.
That is my problem. I have too many friends who are girls and not a meaningful relationship. All of them had aspects of the perfect woman that I want to be with but none of them had it all. One had the motivation, the drive the ambition, but didnt have time for a relationship. Another had the time, the same beliefs, but not the ambition. One had the ambition, the time but not the same beliefs and her job brought on a whole new stack of issues.
Now, the one I have a lot of fun with, has ambition, wants to spend time together, isnt very strong in her beliefs, and has this HUGE issue. She's married. So I wont go there with her.
I am sticking to my solution. "Never settle for 2nd best never BE 2nd best." I refuse to settle for second best and I am trying my best to improve my status.

Thursday, September 09, 2004

Please keep all hands and arms inside until the ride comes to a complete stop!

A revelation....
A light coming on....
An Epiphany.
That is what I found this weekend on my vacation. As I sat on the balcony and looked at the people below, I began to wonder what brought these people together, what are their lives like, and what keeps them together. Really attractive men are with really attractive women. Really average men are with really average women, and so on and so on down the line. Granted, there are exceptions to every rule, but for the most part, this theory of mine is true.
Couple A - Young couple wearing hats, shorts, riding in a Nissan Altima. Both are dressed similar. No designer anything. Pretty average, but both are together and both appear alike
Couple B - Young couple wearing designer clothing, driving SUV. Both are tan probably from a recent vacation. Both are wearing designer sunglasses and are in great shape. Both appear to be living well. Both appear alike.
Couple C - Middle aged couple walking down the sidewalk. Both are dressed in blue jeans and t shirts. Both are a little overweight, both are physically not desirable in appearance.
All three couples seemed happy but if you had to chose who you would want to live like, of course all of us would chose couple B. The question is, why can the man in couple C not be with the woman in couple b? Or why does the woman in couple B not want to be with the man in couple A?
The answer is simple. Our lives have a rating. You can be with someone just above your rating if you are lucky, or you can be with someone below your rating if you so chose. Never will the man in Couple B want to be with the woman in Couple C and never will the man in couple A get to be with the woman in Couple B. Never.
And this applies to life as a whole, not just in relationships. The best parents dont have the worst kids. The best husbands dont have the worst wives, etc.
So how, you may ask, does this apply to me, Keith White?
I compared myself to the men in all three couples. I have a great house, I have a great truck, I have a great motorcycle, I have a great computer. All of these things I have worked very hard to have.
However, I have had a lot of second rate friendships and relationships. So I began to look at myself in those areas. Have I been the best friend that I could have been? Have I been the best partner in relationships that I have had? And honestly the answer to both is no.
I havent gone out of my way to help my friends. I havent kept myself up physically to be more attractive to the women I have been in relationships with. I have settled for friends that are low maintenance and I have settle for girlfriends that are also low maintenance.
So now not only have I stated the theory, I have proved it in theory and proved it in my own life.
So what do I do, to move myself from being the man in couple A or C to being the man in Couple B? And its not about the possesions, its about having the best life possible and working every day to achieve the best life. To do this, I have broken life down into 4 categories:

1 - Mental
2 - Physical
3 - Spiritual
4 - Financial

Mental: This is your overal attitude and well being. Are you a happy go lucky person that everyone wants to know? Are you confident enough to meet new people easily?
Physical: Your physical attractivness. Are you in shape? Do you keep yourself attractive or just let yourself go??
Spiritual: How is your over being in relation to your walk with God? Do you talk to God on a regular basis because this is totally healthy?
Financial: Are you stretched financially to the point that you cant do anything? Do you have financial baggage that drags you down?

So, the first step to move me out of couple C into a higher group is to have a plan.
What things do I know of that drag me into the abyss? In my case, appearance, stress, overwork, money. Three out of the 4 categories im slacking in. My spiritual life is not anything to brag about, but its a lot better than its been before.

My plan is to overhaul my life completely. To do this, I will set, and bust my ass every day to reach these, goals.
Goals:
1 - Mental: Improve confidence and self esteem while also enlarging my surrounding people knowledge. How I will achieve this is to set the short term goal of meeting someone new, for friendship or casual acquaintance, and have a first name basis with them, every month. Also, I plan to have contact information, either phone or email of someone new every three months.
2 - Physical: Improve attractiveness by setting the one year goal of losing 100 lbs by next Sept. 1. Set the short term goals of going to the dentist, getting a haircut more regular and wearing less jeans during the work week.
3 - Spiritual: Improve my walk with Christ by getting more involved at the church that I go to and also attend the Exchange more regular since some people there I have met and interact with me more and more.
4 - Financially: Improve my financial status by paying off 2 of my short term debt by the end of Feb. Right now as it stands I have 4 credit cards. I intend to have 2 of those paid off with my tax refund regardless of which 2 it is.

So now, that I know what I want, I know what it will take to get it, the hardest part is putting my plan into motion….