Meaningless Rambling from various places in Georgia - Past entries worth mentioning

Saturday, May 08, 2010

What I've gone through to get where I am today....

12.31.2003

My Journal. I've decided to restart my journal on this site. Not with blogger. Just me and my thoughts. Not published to the world, but just kept to me. Its really kewl for me to put this down and later on, read it again and see where I am at the time and how I got there. 

Lately life has been throwing me curve balls. Nothing bad other than my relationship with Holley. Due to some problems in her life and our lives together, about a couple of months ago she felt the need to end our relationship. That we needed a break from each other until she could love me the way I needed to be loved. Her words not mine. So about a month ago, due to a phone call I got late one night, it was over. No break from each other, but definate termination. What she said hurt me worse than I had ever been hurt before. I wanted to hurt her back as bad as she had hurt me. All communication with her, as far as we both were concerned, was over. She had even broken the agreement we had in the very beginning to always be friends. Funny how a few words can cause so much damage.

The week before Christmas, I got an email from Holley wanting me to call her. At that moment, all the hurt and anger that I had built up in me came back. I called her and unlike me, I ripped her to pieces. I told her there are only a handful of people in this world that I actually hate and that she was on the top of the list. I actually said that I hated the F@#$%^& air she breathed. She had hurt me really bad and realized that she deserved what I was doing to her. On the way home I called and apologized to her and we agreed to just take time apart for now. Let her do what she needed to do for her for now. She said she wanted me to do what I had to do and to forget about her for now. Thats what I needed to do to forget about her and be able to see other people. I told her I had a date that night which totally upset her but she said she knew I had to do that for me. So I started seeing Tiffany. We had been talking in email for about a month and had been out to see Mystic River a week before. We have so much in common its remarkable. She loves movies, movie trivia, lives 10 min from me. Most of all, we both have the same desire to put God first in our lives. That is what has attracted me to her so much in the beginning. 

Yesterday, Holley called me.

We had a very good phone call and she told me we both needed to decide where we want to be either committed to each other or just friends but if committed to each other it would have to be different than before. I told her I wouldn't go through that again. So on the way home I got frustrated. I vented my frustration to God and almost instantly it came to me to "test Him" so I thought about it, and thought ok I'm going to Tiff's tonight, if they say the blessing ill know. but then realized no it has to be a test not related to the situation. So I was about to stop and get a drink on the way home and thought if they are out of diet Dr. pepper ill know, then realized no that is leaning it one way because they always have diet Dr. pepper. I stopped to get a drink. THEY WERE OUT OF DIET DR PEPPER. I was floored. I put it out of my mind thinking ok I didn't really voice the test might just be a coincidence. I SAID out loud, ok God, if this is your will, I will see a corvette on the way home. Then realized that I drive by a Chevy car lot. So I said if I see a truck like mine, then ill know. Then I got specific, I said a green truck like mine. Even more specific, if I see a green truck like mine at the starbucks on the way home. Then thought, no I've never seen a green f150, but maybe a green car at starbucks that will be it for sure. About this time, I met a corvette. Shortly there after I passed a truck like mine, then I got to starbucks there was a green Volvo out front and a green f150 on the side. I gave one last test. There is a huge rock on my way home that is often painted with graffiti by fraternities and sororities at Kennesaw state, but it had not changed in a while. OK if it has changed then Ill know. It had a fresh coat of Greek lettering. Every test I put up, God let me know. Everyone I said couldn't come true did I said to myself, if the night goes well, then I'll really know. I had a great time. Her mom is an incredible artist who does sketches of people better than even Eric did in school. So we hit it off well. Me and her son played chess and had a good time. I worked very hard to not win but for both of us to stalemate (tie) and we did. I got to show him some better moves than ones he made so we got along great too. He is big into Zoids and transformers too just like Blake.

I don't know how to deal with receiving everything that I prayed for. Tiffany to this point is EXACTLY what I prayed for. She is smart, attractive, likes the same things I do, lives close, is big into church and seeks God. Since I've started seeing her, she gave me some CD's to listen to on relationships that were just totally awesome. I know she is a God send but now, my head tells me to listen to God but my heart is still drawn to Holley. I know God will give me the wisdom to know what to do in this situation because I really doubt my own choices in life. I broke up with Julie and then she got married. I broke up with Kristine to date Holley then Kristine got married. I ended my relationship with Jenn to continue seeing Holley. Then Jenn moved to Missouri and has a new life. I am definately living as the CD #4 describes as "Swirl". Not totally single focused on God, (vanilla) and not in a committed relationship (chocolate), I'm in "Swirl". Seeking benefits of a committed relationship without the committment. And that isn't what I want either.

 

8.18.2002:

Today I went back to Mountain Lake Community Church for the first time in who knows how long. It was so great to see my old friends who are still there. David met us at the door just like we were there yesterday and then Jim came out and talked with us for a bit too. But then as we got in even more people came up to me and were hugging me and telling me how good it was to see me so that was great. I got to talk to Shawn and Chad for about 15 seconds. Man are those guys busy on Sunday. I looked for Sharron especially just to see her if I didnt see anyone the rest of the day. The smile on her face when she saw me made the long drive worth it. I was so glad to see her. Some people just hold a special place in your heart and her, Jim and Jamie really do.
Then the worship began and it was great too. They have a new worship leader since I was there last and it was really good. What jumped out and started things off with a bang is Shawn began his message by riding in on a Harley. Pretty awesome way to get your attention but it really tied into the message. A message that I needed to hear. All about what drives you. I got to thinking what drives me and without a second I knew it was work and success. I work WAAAAAAAY too much. That is about to change. I am going to reclaim my life whatever it takes.So it took a buddy coming in to town to make sure that I was going because as soon as I got up, I didnt want to go but Tim did so off we went. And it was a message that I needed to hear.

1:42 PM


 

8.13.2002:

Well, this has been a busy week and its only Tuesday night. My phone has been ringing almost none stop at work. Tech's can't get me on the phone and I can't get a break either. I don't know how I will get everything done this week. Fortunately I am not on call until next weekend. And by next weekend, my new niece should be here by then so life will have a whole new meaning. Even though it's not my own, if I have half the relationship that I have with Blake it will be greater than I could imagine.

I have a new toy that I can't wait to work on. I am just waiting on the bill of sale to come through. Chris found a CB 750 in great shape and with a little work, it could be something kewl. Now if I could just get him to GET THE BILL OF SALE so that I will know its mine. Then begins the long process....ad....title....switch...this...that...who knows what else.

I talked to Shawn tonight and told him that I was thinking of coming back to MLCC. He said that was awesome and that they would love to have me back. I'm just waiting to see what doors open next and to see what happens.

9:23 PM


 

8.7.2002:

Now that I have some time and my journal is back up and running, maybe I will keep it up a bit more now.

Probably not but it sounds good.


Yesterday was horrible. From the moment that I woke up, it only got worse. I overslept until almost 6:30 so I didnt make it to work until 7:20 (but thats ok because I was there until almost 6.) Then it was busier than most Mondays usually are and to top things off, I had to go to a gripe and complain lunch because I did not answer 3 emails. I mean really, I only had 37 emails, faxes and voice mails yesterday when I got back from lunch so what made her 3 so important.
Tempers flared, voices were raised. I finally turned my chair, toned her out and watched sports center. It was a free lunch. Who am I to complain. When I got back the more I thought about it, the madder that I got. I jumped all over a co worker and made yet another cry. And it wasnt even 3 pm yet. So unlike me.
Around 6:30 when I finally got home, I immediately grabbed Captain Morgans and made me a drink. I got about 2 sips of it and realized I was doing it again. But by this time, Third Day was playing "Your Love Oh Lord" and that made me realize what I was doing, was wrong. It didnt solve the problem. It didnt make me feel any better. It really wasnt all that good either. So why was I doing it.
I was determined to make today better. I started the day off with a few goals in mind. 1 - I started the day in prayer....2 - I was going to be more professional and not swear as much. To make a long day short.....today was much better. I didnt get as uptight. I didnt swear as much. Maybe tomorrow I will start out in prayer again....(joke, of course I will)
I have realized a few things lately that tend to bring me down. The closest that I have felt to God since being in Atlanta (or ever) was when I was in the home groups at MLCC. Danny, Derrick and I called each other. We prayed for and with each other. I was close to a lot of other people as well. I never felt that close to anyone at the Vineyard, but always like the old guy at the club. Freedom has never given me a feeling of closeness with anyone so it cant even compare to the Vineyard. So I have been considering going back to MLCC next weekend as I will be back in Bama this weekend for my mom's birthday. I will put that decision in God's hands. If He wants me to go back there, he will open the door again. If not, He will open another.
This will give me time to get my head straight, my heart right. And it will let me clear out some junk that I have floating around in my head.


"You are my strength when I am weak, You are the treasure that I seek. You are my all in all."

8:23 PM


 

7.21.2002:

Once again, a long time since a post. Well again, a lot has happened. I started the new job after being laid off and it just never felt right. The engineer that I was working for was a little shall we say "out there". A nice guy, but it was difficult to work for him. However, it was a job and I was thankful to have it. Then coming home one night, a former employer of mine called and told me he had an "opportunity" with his company that I would be perfect for. To make a long story short, I am now going into my third month working for an up and coming HVAC company. I am working my A$$ off, but I love it. I stay busy all the time now and I have 12 technicians that work for me. A little different than I'm used to, but I will adapt. My personal life has gone to crap in a handbasket but I'm too busy with work to worry about it.
Well...at least part of it. See, when I get to thinking about these same four walls over and over, it depresses the absolute HELL out of me. So, as I have done in the past, I started drinking a little more than usual. Then I began drinking A LOT. I didn't realize it until a good friend pointed it out to me, that my life had now become one bar, one drink right after another. She reminded me that I needed to get a grip. People my age don't go out drinking just to see how torn up they can get.
I just thought she was crazy....Until Saturday. You see, Friday night some friends came over and we got really bad messed up. Its nothing that I am bragging about. (Its actually pretty embarrassing, but I treat this as almost therapy) So Saturday when I woke up, feeling like a truck had just backed over me twice, I realized that she was right. She had told me that I lost who I was and I was trying to find me. The more that I thought about it, the more it made me mad because she was right. I searched for things that I was about and nothing came to mind. Then I just did a lot of soul searching. I came to Atlanta to find myself and I thought that I had. And I had found who I was, I just forgot it. I forgot it because I put too many things in the way. I realized that the person I am, is one who is involved in church, who seeks God, who enjoys the company of those with the same goals and beliefs that I have.
So last night, I began my quest to get back to good. My quest to get back involved in church, to get back to God, AGAIN. I poured out all the remaining alcohol in my apartment, put Third Day, John Tesh, and Passion back in the CD changer and made plans to go to church this morning.
Well as usual, morning came and I didnt want to go. I didnt really know WHERE to go. I dont have a church home right now. Freedom has never felt like home. Plus it and Mountain Lake are just way too far for me to drive and get involved. I didnt want to go to Northpoint because last time it just seemed to watered down and I didnt get anything out of it. Plus Andy was talking about God and your Bod. Just what I didnt want to hear. But when I went to their website, it had a part one message of Louie. If there is a part one, surely there will be a part 2. I got a shower and dressed for Northpoint hoping Louie was speaking. And man did he ever. What an awesome message he gave about "The guilt trip is over" talking about the guilt of sin. I really needed to hear that since I have been feeling pretty guilty about the way I have been living lately.
So to end a long blog, I am realizing every day, life is what you make of it. And its time for me to make better choices. After all, we arent guaranteed the next breath.

2:15 PM


 

4.10.2002:

A long post, but I’m overdue for one…

Where do I begin. It has been a while since my last post. There for awhile it seemed nothing was worth even writing about. I got up. I went to work. Worried about my job all day. Came home. Did nothing. Went to sleep. Started over. Very hum drum and boring. I didn’t keep up my checkbook, didn’t wash clothes or clean my apartment. I didn’t work out. Life was just a big nothing.

Two weeks ago to the day, all that changed. My boss came and told me and a friend of mine that there was a meeting in a conference room that we had never used before. As we were walking to the meeting, we both looked at each other and just knew. After all, we had all been just standing around for weeks now and a layoff was inevitable, but sometimes after you have made it through a couple, and it has been a while since the last one, you just get comfortable and think “It wont happen to me.” Well, it did happen to me. For only the second time in my life, due to circumstances beyond my control, I was unemployed.
As we entered the meeting, a member of management, who probably didn’t even know my name, but who was hired the exact same day that I was, just stood there for maybe 5 minutes and never said a word. As more and more people came in the room, we all knew what it was about, but hoped for the best anyway. Our services were no longer required. Here’s a little money. Pack and leave by the end of the day. That’s the impression that I left that room with.

I was determined not to go out like that. I went back to my desk, started packing. The entire time, making jokes, laughing and cutting up with the best group of coworkers that I have ever been associated with. I even gave my boss the Sports Illustrated calendar that I took from him at the gift exchange at Christmas. I was not going to leave a bad memory of myself to anyone who still works there. After all, these people were more than just coworkers, they ARE my friends.

You never realize the true friends that you have until you need help. Within a mile of my former office, I had made one call and had two leads on a job. By the end of the day, I had those two leads, as well as two others and I had not even realized what was going on. The following day, a former coworker called with a friend of his that wanted to talk to me. I called him and he had me in his office that very afternoon. Then I left for home just to get my head together and be with my family for Easter.

I surfed the net, I read the papers all the time thinking I could find a job. It wouldn’t take very long. I really thought that I would have a job by Monday afternoon. But something happened Sunday morning. I went to church for Easter at the little church my mom goes to. In my life, I have never seen as many people in that church. There was even almost a row and a half of just kids during the children’s portion of the service. I was just so moved by what God is doing in that church.

During the service, there is a point, where Lauren, the pastor, prays and everyone concludes by saying the Lord’s prayer together. I was so caught up in the service and realizing how wrong that I was about the events of my life, that my mom sitting beside me asked if I had forgotten the Lord’s prayer. What she didn’t realize is that the entire prayer time, I was talking directly with God. Telling him I know I was wrong for thinking I could do it myself. I told Him that all the problems in my life, I was turning them over to Him. I wasn’t going to worry about a job, career, relationships, etc. I was just going to rest, take it easy and find my way back.

Upon returning to Atlanta, I just knew that God would take care of it. I would have a job maybe by Tuesday. Well Tuesday came and went. No job, but a second interview with the first company that I talked to, a lunch interview with one of my first leads for the job that I really wanted, and by weeks end I had an interview with another company that one of my good friends works with and recruiters were now starting to call. The lunch interview went great, but they wouldn’t be ready to hire anyone for about a month. The other interview went good as well, but it was on east Atlanta in bad traffic and on a different cad package that I had used before, but really hated.

Tuesday night I went back to 722 because there was supposed to be this surprise. The last time they mentioned a surprise, it was Third Day. A friend of mine met me there for the same reason. There was no Third Day, but God did show me that I needed to stop trying to do things myself. But He also reminded me that I had put a lot between me and Him. He is a loving God, but He is a jealous God too.

So Thursday morning, I finally cave and go apply for my unemployment benefits because I had lived for a week on the severance pay, and now my vacation pay was up as well. I was living on myself now. Boy what a humbling experience. Here I was with a college degree unemployed at the Georgia Department of labor with other people unemployed. Talk about feeling low and like a failure. The entire mood around the room is one of dejection. The people working there don’t make you feel much better either, but I was there and needed help. I filled out all the paperwork and left realizing for the first time the nature of what had happened to me.

That was a long ride home. Wondering where was God and what has happened to me. After all, I had plans for the rest of the year. I had a budget done through December. Now what was I going to do? When I walked in the door and sat down at the computer, wondering how long I could keep cable and my dsl, I began surfing for a job, again. Depression was really about to set in.
The phone rang and God showed up. The person that had interviewed me, called me from his vacation to let me know that things were still in the works and they were trying to get the budget together to be able to bring me on board. Later that afternoon, the department head called and offered me a job. It took longer than I had expected, but some of my friends that were laid off last year still haven’t found a job. God found me one in a week. Just about the time my severance and vacation pay ran out.

Two things I was reminded of. One, I am not God, He is and He is in control even when I am not close to Him. Two, all things are in His time, not mine because everything that happens is part of a bigger plan. His plan not mine regardless of what I think.

And finally, last night I realized that the worst was over. I was on my way back to God, I had a new job, and my worries about a job and money were not over, but were to a lesser degree. Life was good again. The service last night was the CD release of the new passion live CD. The worship was incredible. If you couldn’t feel God in the house last night, you probably wont ever. Chris Tomlin, Charlie Hall and the David Crowder Band just really rocked the joint. It was as usual one of those nights that I had ten thousand other things to do and didn’t really want to go to 7:22 but did anyway. It never fails. The whole time last night I was hearing this little voice of a friend of mine that had tried to tell me earlier that I was really starting to slip. And she wanted to know why, why, why, because, because, because? And I totally blew her off.

God I hate it when she’s right!

6:18 PM


 

12.14.2001:

Well once again, I know that I said I would keep this up more often. I guess thats why I could not let over a month go by without updating my journal.

The past month has just flown by even though this week seems to be draaaaaaaaging on. But on a brighter note, I bought my Christmas present to myself this week. I got a Handspring Visor Neo. Its one of those things you could live without, but it will make passing time in airports and lunch a lot better.

I went to 7:22 this past Tuesday night and man, it was off hte charts. They did more of an accoustical jam unlike ripping the roof off of the joint like normal. Before I went in, I asked God to just show me His presence. And as usual, He did. They played my NOW favorite holiday song, Little Drumer Boy, funked up (its the version you are hearing now) but what got to me was the candle lighting. You can see it at
www.722.org Louie said there were 150 candles unlit on stage and if anyone had come to know Christ in the past year, he wanted them to come light a candle. When the mass of people had left, he said all but 5 or 6 were lit. One guy in front of me went up and lit a candle. Pretty awesome huh? Louie then said if anytime during the night, if you pray for God to come into your life for the very first time, he wanted you at any time, to come light a candle. What stood out about this, across the aisle a girl went up and lit a candle. When she came back she was obviously emotional so I know that she was sincere. The music, Louie joking around, the people around me, none of them were important but God used them all to get to her. Kind of like the story of the shepard going out to look for one lost lamb.

Then the band rocked the house so it was all good....
9:25 AM


 

11.15.2001:

Well, its been two weeks since my last update. So much for keeping this up on a regular basis. But there hasn't been much to write about as of late. Same routine, different day.Until last night....

Things in life took a turn for the better. Actually, they went off the chart.

In life, you keep hoping that something will happen. When it doesn't, you sink further and further into the abiss. Even when a flicker of hope that it will happen fails, you sink even faster. Until finally you give up hoping, you give up praying and you begin to come to the conclusion that it will never happen and begin accepting that fact that maybe it wasn't meant to be.

Then....it happens. The one thing you have waited for. The one thing that has had you down for weeks now. It happens right out of the blue and you have to ask yourself, "Did that really happen?" The one thing that I have been waiting on, I have been hoping for, happened last night.

When you finally know how the other person in a relationship feels, the relationship takes on a WHOLE NEW meaning.....and now I know.

9:55 AM

 

9.20.2001:

As I thought about what happened last week, I thought one of my friends, who doesn't know God, might ask me some questions regarding the events of the World Trade Center. So, I sent these questions to a friend of mine who is a pastor to get his views on the questions that a non believer might ask and his responses to them:

Keith - you're thinking through good questions. Here's my short responses:

1. If God is so good, how could he let this happen? The real question here is how God deals with evil in general. He either allows a level of freedom among people that makes possible the evil we observe. Or he doesn't allow such freedom. He has chosen to allow that freedom and I think we generally understand that the alternative of humans who acted as puppets would not be a preferred alternative. In allowing that evil, we have to ask whether God acts to limit that freedom. I believe he does largely in the form of governments who hold one another in check. I do not in any way believe that America is somehow the chosen ambassador of righteousness. However in this case, I believe God is using the US as an evil restricting force in the world.

2. If the person or persons respsonsible for killing these thousands of people repents of his sins and accepts Christ, will he too go to heaven? I won't address this one - you know the answer. I think you're using this one to set up the next one.

3. Why would you want to be in a place full of people who kill others and then repent? My response would not be too theological - first, I don't expect heaven to be a place FULL of people who kill others and then repent. There will for sure be some of those, but for the most part, people like those who killed so many last week were well on their way down a path leading to an eternity separate from God. And few will turn back once that far down that path. However, given the fact that God holds open the door for those who will repent - even after horrendous sins, I have to ask myself this question. If I have the choice of being in a place full of people who kill others and then repent or being in a place full of people who kill others and don't repent, I'm going with the first.

4. How can someone be forgiving of a crime such as this? How can we as Christians not immediately say things like we should destroy these people? We have to constantly hold in balance the two values of justice and mercy. And we have to deal with the tension of personal ethics and social ethics. On a personal level, I am called to forgiveness, mercy, loving my enemies and praying for them and leaving vengeance to God. On a social level, I am a part of a country that has a biblical (ROm 13) responsibility to God to use force to restrain justice - force applied withing the country in the form of justice toward those who break laws and force applied outside the country in the form of military attack toward those who perpetrate evil.

That's the short version - I've left issues unaddressed and questions unanswered I realize but that's my basic approach. Keep thinking!

A different way of thinking, but still the best answers that I have heard, to probably some of the most difficult questions a Christian might face, considering the events that have transpired, and the mindset of many people in this country right now.

4:05 PM


9.12.2001:

There just are no words...

What could I possibly say about yesterday's events in New York that could mean anything to anyone other than what has already been said....

What hasn't been said is what we are going to do about it. Well it had not been said until last night....

Last night was the first night
7:22 starts back after the summer break. I had been planning on going but as usual I started to put things in the way of going (laundry, unpacking, cleaning apt. etc.) but after what happened yesterday, something just told me that I needed to be there. The fact of the way I have been living my life should have told me I needed to be there but thats another blog for another day.

When I got there, I had a feeling it was going to be different. A lot of their equipment such as their electric drum set was covered and there was a curtain about mid way of the stage to make it about half the normal size. When the 7:22 band came out, it was all accoustic. Which was awesome, just not the norm. Then after a few songs, Louie came out and began talking about how it would not be business as usual because of what had happened that day.

He talked about what had happened and that people might have come wanting to know what to do. They might have come to 7:22 that night wanting to hear him say something inspiring. He basically said he didn't know what to say or what to tell us to do.

Then he started talking about King Jahosafat in the old testiment. When faced with an overwhelming enemy approaching, his people turned to him for what to do. Jahosafat, realizing the situation, turned his eyes toward God. (Something I had not been doing a lot of lately) which is what we should do.

So a lot of thoughts and questions went through my mind about the events of the day and how to respond in a loving Christian way. It was so easy to say, "make the middle east and whoever is responsible glow in the dark, make them reach the temperature of the sun in a millisecond." Which I did so many times. God spoke to me last night. He told me that so many things are not known yet. What is fact is that the buildings that were destroyed were "MAN" made. The airplanes were "MAN" made. The Pentagon is "MAN" made. Satan can destroy anything man made. But the land the buildings were on, God made that and it's still there. You have never heard of a terrorist destroying a mountain. Why because God made mountains and they can't destroy that. Only acts of God can destroy what God made.

But then it got me to thinking, "Well, God made the people who died?". God let me know almost instantly that I know nothing about those who perished and their fate. Their entire purpose in life could have been to die in those building for God's purpose. Every one who died yesterday may or may not have been a Christian. No one but God knows their final destination.

So at this point, I am pretty overwhelmed by God speaking to me. So point blank, I just prayed and asked him, "Ok, how do I respond to someone who I know, that might use this against witnessing. He might ask again, "The person responsible for killing these thousands of people, if he asks for forgiveness and accepts Christ, will he go to heaven also?" God once again let me know almost right away, He is far more forgiving that we will ever be. So the answer to that is yes. John 3:16 says "...whosoever believes in Him will not perish, but have everlasting life." The word except is not there. There aren't any exceptions given.Hard reality to imagine being in heaven with people like Timothy McVeigh, Osama Ben Laden, and others who might make peace with God and be in heaven, but are their sins any greater than ours? Is one sin greater than another?

The thoughts I have on sin are that sin may be measured differently in our eyes than in God's eyes. A lie to us, in no way compares to killing thousands of people for political reasons. But who is to say how God thinks that way or what He has planned. I do not know scripture the way I wish I did, but I have read that it is not for us to know the plans of the father. After all, God took a ruthless ruler in Saul and made him Paul, a great man of God. And look at what has come out of the Columbine tragedy. I have read story after story of kids coming to Christ because of people who took a stand for Christ there.

Yesterday was also a reminder that we are not guaranteed the next breath. Imagine someone saying to a family memeber, "Ok, I give up. I'll go to church with you on Sunday morning. Yesterday was Tuesday. Imagine that same person sitting at his desk on the 110 floor of Tower One. That person would never see Sunday morning.

So last night was pretty much an eye opener for me. I have not been living the way I should. I haven't been acting, talking or being the witness for God that I should have. I haven't been the example for others that I should have. But I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that He has forgiven me of this and that life will go on. Not because of anything that I say or do, but because He is in control.


9:24 AM


8.27.2001:

I read today on the internet that a scientist in Sweden has come up with a vaccine for men that helps them understand women. Unfortunately, in the mad rush to receive the vaccine the scientist was trampled to death and the vaccine was destroyed.
1:24 PM


Since it has been awhile, a LOOONG while since my last post, I thought today would be a good day to update. The weekend was nothing to write home about except for the fact that I got to see Holley yesterday for the first time in weeks. Between mine and her schedule, its a wonder how we ever met in the first place. But all is well. I am going to see her play softball tonight so 2 nights in a row, I won't know how to act.
1:20 PM


8.16.2001:

All is well in the land again. Me and my net buddy Karen (see previous 2 posts) have buried the hatchet. She was not getting my emails because her ISP at work was not working. So this morning, all the emails she sent me two days ago suddenly appeared. So peace out....
9:59 AM


8.15.2001:

Once again, a violent misguided, misinformed female friend of mine, has obviously never heard the definition of a JOKE and this person continues to ramble endlessly on her website, the one she created at my suggestion to be able to show others her HTML abilities and not to glorify herself. This person, regardless of how talented she may be, needs to realize that..."Hey, it was an joke!!!" Get over it or die with it on your mind I say. If all that you have to say about someone's site is negative comments, don't bother. If I wanted to hear nagging and complaining, I would still be married. You know I think your "Da Bomb" when it comes to sites and graphics. And your E N C O U R A G E M E N T (see webster's dictionary for correct definition) and HELP is greatly appreciated. But this hiding out, attacking me through your blog page and not returning my calls, well let's just say it's a little too 3rd grade for me. Oh, and you might want to check this link out, HTML Guidlines , because some of your code is a little out of date....."When you can take the pebble from the hand grasshopper, then you may leave the village....."
2:15 PM


8.14.2001:

So like its been an interesting day. A close friend of mine called me, LONG DISTANCE, to tell me that she thinks my web page is in need of some help because I like frames. DUH. Any good marketing webdesigner will tell you that if someone has a chance to leave your site, they might not come back to it. Henceforth, I have all of my links opening while still remaining on my site. And this "constructive criticism" coming from someone who 1) HAS ERRORS ON HER PAGE and 2) CAN'T EVEN GET RID OF THE SILLY GEOCITIES AD. You know who you are....Call me when you have stepped up to the plate and FINALLY gotten your own DOMAIN. lol.....(ps: you also know this is a joke in retaliation for the blog you put on your page as well.....)
6:00 PM


8.8.2001:

Tonight was busy. I finally got all of the programs loaded back on my pc including the check printer. Damn what a pain in the ass. So I'm headed to Bama tomorrow night. Should be a long weekend well deserved but should be late before I get there. Me and Eric were trying to get our journal pages working today. Check his out at A9mystery.com. Now if I could only get the office to see how ..::CORRUPT & EVIL::... he really is.....
10:16 PM


Well, yesterday was high on the ..THIS SUX.. scale as well. All day still sick. Finally broke down and got some DRUGS. So other than spewing chunks all day yesterday, I actually started to feel better late last night. Two things I have learned about being sick and living by yourself. 1. There isn't anyone to bitch and moan to. 2. Anything that you throw up, you get to clean up which in turn, causes you to throw up all over again.
2:14 PM

 

 


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