For years now, Steph and I  have been trying to grow our family. We have been down the adoption road, the child welfare road and the natural road for many years to come. Last June, we had a successful IUI procedure and became pregnant with what we had hoped to be our first child. God had other plans.

Also for many years, we have been serving in the role of volunteer in the youth ministry at church. Last year, we were interim youth pastor at a local church where we thought we would have a few months to make a difference and get our feet wet in youth ministry. Again, God had other plans.

A few months ago, we made the decision to try another IUI procedure thinking we were ready and everything was good to go. We had the money for the procedure and we had moved on from the miscarriage and the DNC. God had other plans. When Steph had the ultrasound to  begin the process over, a fibroid was found and we were told that until this was dealt with we would be guaranteed another miscarriage. Another bump in the road that has already been pretty bumpy.

With all of these setbacks, an amazing thing happened in our lives. Our faith, although rocked and shaken at times, began to grow stronger.  With each setback, it grew more. Sure we had times that one or the other, sometimes even both of us got down. We are imperfect people living in an imperfect world. It happens but each time we got down, we would rebound even more.

God gave us what we needed to be ready. She got love and support from a women’s bible study written and led by women who were going through what we were. I tried to get plugged in at church but finally realized this was a time that I needed to be still and get ready. God gave me a peace a few months ago to hang on, my time was coming to get ready.

Get ready we did. Steph came up with the idea to step out in faith and call God out based on scripture. We did exactly that. Even though we had no appointment and no plan for another IUI yet, we prepared for rain and painted the nursery. We planned to finish the nursery and God would move. We painted the room the brightest green with stripes and a plan to put scripture and the names of those praying with us on the walls.

Once finished the room looked amazing. We moved in the furniture and set it up.

About this time, God told me to contact a good friend of mine from LMBC about getting back in youth ministry. I contacted Suzan and had an amazing conversation with her. I sent her my resume the next morning and by that afternoon, I had talked with not one, but 2 churches about youth ministry. I had lunch with one pastor the next day and planned to visit the other church on Sunday.

This would also require some help from God if this is what He was doing. Steph loved her study group and I knew God would have to change her heart. He did just that. After meeting the people and youth at Sewell Mill, it was on. God had done just that. She wanted it as much as I did and we began going to Sewell Mill to meet and hang out with the youth there. I was incredibly blessed to have the opportunity to teach them and get to know them even more every week. We were becoming attached at a rapid rate.

We also set up the appointment for the next round of shots and finally another IUI.  We ordered the shots and “bump” more than we expected financially. God provided as He always does. She started taking shots and we were on our way only this time, it was different.

We had always had our friends and family behind us praying all the way. This time, we had a new church praying for us. We told the pastor’s wife at Sewell Mill what we were about to do and she asked if the church could pray over us. We agreed but we had no clue what was about to happen.

The end of the service that day came and the pastor explained what we were going through a medical procedure and that we had asked for prayer. He had also asked for a specific member to come forward as he “would need her help”. This very sweet lady prayed a prayer that I did not expect to have prayed over us. I felt the floor move. It seems like the walls shook. Mrs. Dotty, is a prayer warrior like no one that I have ever met before and she prayed the most comforting and powerful prayer that I would have expected to come from a prayer giant. I looked up and it seemed like the entire church was praying over us as we fought back the tears.

Tuesday morning came and I noticed Steph fumbling with a necklace. It was one she doesn’t wear often. It was a normal looking chain but had a mustard seed on it. All that we needed was faith of a mustard seed and God would move. We had WAY more than that at this point.

We got to the hospital and began what would be a long day. The first part was done by 8 AM and we would have to wait until 10 to do the actual IUI. This gave us plenty of time to respond to an email that David, the pastor from Sewell Mill had sent us with questions that he wanted us to think about. We spent the entire time collaborating on our response and still did not finish until later that night but the time had come for us to complete the IUI process.

We went back into the exam room and the nurse told us that a different doctor would be doing the IUI and not Dr. Spencer like before. Another small bump in the road but God said, “I’ve got this” and a few moments later, in walked Dr. Spencer to our relief.

The procedure went well and now began the painful 2 week wait. During this time, we poured ourselves into Sewell Mill and into the youth every chance that we had in an attempt to keep our minds occupied. It worked some of the time but as I told a close friend, doubt POUNDED on our doors. I quoted more scripture this past week than ever before. Every time Steph would mention something that made me feel like we werent pregnant, something else would happen to make me feel that we were.

This past Saturday, we were invited to have dinner at David and Glenda’s house. We had an amazing time with them just sharing life. Steph on the other hand was fighting nausea and did not want to throw up at their house on our first visit. We agreed that in the morning, 2 days early we would take the test.

4 AM, Steph wakes me up and says “do we take it now or later?” Of course we got up and took the test. While she was taking the test, I was in the nursery calling out the God who had gotten us there. The God who holds our lives in his hands. I quoted scripture. I prayed, I cried, I begged for God to show up.

Show up He did. 2 pink lines. We were expecting once again.

After breakfast together, a trip to Douglasville to tell her parents and numerous phone calls to tell my family and our friends, we went on to Sewell Mill. The pastor preached an amazing message on being obedient and at the end, said, “I am going to show you a great example of being obedient.” He called me and Stephanie forward and introduced us as their next youth ministers.

God had shown up again within a matter of hours. He has answered not one, but 2 of our biggest prayers…..just like we knew He would.

Dear God,

Thank you for your faithfulness and being true to Your Word. Protect our child from this point forward. Help us to reflect You through us not only in our child’s life, but in the lives of the youth You now have given us charge over. Help us to lead them in the way You would have us. Help us to show them Your love through us.
Keith

These are just a few things that I came up with a few weeks ago. More to come

Keith

I am a Bama fan. I am a Bama fan to the core. Just a few weeks ago, the Tide won their 14th National Championship in a totally dominating fashion. LSU only crossed the 50 yard line one time the entire game and was shut out for the first time in BCS history. It was the third consecutive national championship for a team from the state of Alabama. the Tide won it in 2009, Auburn in 2010 and the Tide again this year. It was the 6th straight title for a team from the SEC.

How does something of this magnitude happen by the same teams and same conference year after year after year?

These teams, not just Bama and even including Auburn, do this by having a plan and following it. I’m not just talking about the play books that the team members learn backwards and forwards. There are plans for recruiting, plans for financing, plans on how to feed and house the players and staff at away games. There are plans on how the team does public relations. If the plan is followed, the teams get the better players, who perform better than others, who draw more fans than others, who earn their school more money for financing, who then displays better images to the public, so that the next round of better players will want to go to their school. And the circle repeats.

Life, like football, basketball, soccer, baseball, NASCAR, and all sporting events, has a plan and a play book. It’s the Holy Bible, the Word of God. It’s been around for thousands of years and has never failed once. Where we fail, just like a team in sports, is when we fall away from the plan. I am as guilty as the next. Something bad happens and sure we all pray in times of distress but once the rough time is over, the playbook starts collecting dust on the shelf or beside our bed.

Steph and I have started doing something new. Each week we are going to take one book of the Bible, take it chapter by chapter, and study it for ourselves. No group, just me and her and our desire to grow closer to God as husband and wife.

So to start this, we both talked about it and decided to start in James. After spending a lot of time in James 1, I realized that this was not going to be anything like what I have been used to.  Taking this chapter and pulling it apart, verse by verse, word by word, reading it multiple times, in multiple translations with multiple commentaries has been an eye opening experience. This chapter has spoken to me more this week than I have ever known. So many life issues are in this very first chapter and it has given me a peace about what God is doing and what I need to do.

We are still dealing with the memory and hurt of the miscarriage. Why it happened I have no clue. Last week my dad had to have some tests that may have required him to have surgery. Why this was happening again, I have no clue.  Lately, I have not been able to feel like Burnt Hickory is my church, where I belong, where I can serve, where I fit in. Why we are here, again, no clue. No ministry opportunities have opened for me since leaving Poplar Springs. I feel like I am spinning my wheels while life passes me by.

Bring in James 1……..

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” James 1:2-4

Trials grow our faith. When our faith is tested, how do we respond and how do others see us and our faith during these trials?  Just a few verses answer the hardest question of all time, “Why do bad things happen to good people?” One of the commentaries also said that “Our trials down here, bring us rewards in heaven.” Sure we went through a horrible experience, but we both know where we will be and we have a son or a daughter that we have never met, there waiting for us right now.

Bring on more James 1….

“Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says.  Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But whoever looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues in it—not forgetting what they have heard, but doing it—they will be blessed in what they do.” James 1:22-25

Last year I read through the entire Bible. That is not a boast, that is a failure. You see the key word in that phrase is read. I read through the Bible to be reading it, like I read the Hardy Boys when I was younger. I didn’t study it, didn’t take it in, and didn’t put the words on my heart. I read it word by word so that I can say, I’ve read the entire bible. If the Tide had only read through their playbook, they would have no clue what to do when the ball was snapped. In the same sense, if they didn’t go into action once that ball was snapped, they would have been creamed in the first game. They took their playbooks, committed it to memory, lived out in practice what the book showed them to do, and put it into action during the game and their actions in turn, gave them their reward when it was all over.

When it was all over, because they had a plan, because they followed it, because they put it into action, they have Become the BEST!

Dear God,

Your Word has spoken to me more and louder this week than ever before. Help me to see Your plan in Your Word. Help me to know what when trials come, it is an opportunity to grow my faith. Help me to know that even in times of trials, You are there. You have a plan that is bigger than me, but I am a part of it. Help me to live out Your Word, not just hear it or read it, but to make it my own.

Keith

The focus this year for me has been on the gifts to give, and not on the gift given. Thanks to the almighty Amazon.com, even the multiple trips to the mall where lights and people abound, even shopping for gifts has not been a Christmas spectacle. For the first time since I have known Steph, we didn’t even go shopping at the ridiculous time of the day on black Friday.

No excitement. No Christmas spirit. Don’t get me wrong, I have watched many Christmas movies; Elf, A Christmas Story, Christmas Vacation, A Christmas Carol, etc, the typical ones that are my favs this time of year. I have listened to more Christmas music this week than ever before and it doesn’t seem like its enough.

One of the movies that we watched is “It’s a Wonderful Life.” The timeless classic about George Bailey and how an angel shows him what life would be like if he got his wish, and if he had never lived. He shows George how different life would be for those he cared about and how his life had made more of an impact than he ever realized.

Today, that has had me thinking. What would life be like without me? What impact have I had on those around me? What impact am I making right now? Youth ministry is my passion and right now, I’m not in ministry at all and I desperately miss it. I crave it but not for riches and glory but for the sense of knowing that what I allow God to do through me, makes a difference in the lives of those around me.  I know that God has a plan and this period of time is all a part of that and for now, I wait on Him. I wait for that opportunity to make a life altering impact again.

Sometimes waiting is the hardest thing to do. Steph quotes to me all the time “Be still and know that I am God – Psalms 46:10″ and I had the crazy idea to argue that point. I argued that God wouldn’t give me this passion, these talents and resources to sit on the sidelines and watch others, but I was wrong. I was very wrong.

I am so incredibly blessed to have her in my life. She can see the forest when I can’t for all the trees in the way. She has always told me what I need to hear even when it would not be what I want to hear and would not be taken well.   She makes a HUGE difference in my life. I can’t remember what life was like before her and hope I never have to find out.

So what impact are you making in life? What would life be like if you had never lived? Who makes a difference in your life and whose life are you making a difference in? What would life be like…….without you?

Dear God,

Thank you for this time of the year. Thank you for the Gift that only You could give, Your Son. Thank You for opportunities to make a difference in the lives of those around me and for those You have sent to me who make a difference in my life. Thank You for an incredible Godly wife who helps me make it each day. Help me to wait for Your timing and the next opportunity that You have for me, to do what ever You need me to do.

Keith

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What I’m really thankful for is that 2011 is almost over.

That may sound strange to most but 2011 is a year that I so desperately want to put behind me and forget about. I can remember saying in January this was going to be our year. It was supposed to be a great year.
In some ways it was a great year. I had two of the best moments of my life. Wanting to be in youth ministry is great but becoming a youth pastor (even in the interim position that I was in) after praying and praying for God to use me, was awesome. Having that position come to an end after only a short period as interim, wasn’t one of the brighter times in my life.
Waking up on that morning and seeing two pink lines was probably the greatest moment of my life. Sure my wedding day to Steph was a huge answer to prayer and it was incredible, but now God had given us a child. He had answered the prayers that we had been praying for years. We were on cloud 9.
Hearing the news a few weeks later that there wasn’t a heartbeat was without a doubt, the lowest point of my life and the beginning of a period of my life that I can’t even begin to explain. After all, having not one, but 2 of my prayers answered and then just a few weeks later taken away, well, thats enough to rock my faith pretty good.
I immersed myself in every project that I could. I over committed my time to every opportunity that I was given. When I would come home from work, I would have dinner with Steph and then cocoon myself downstairs in my office. I was probably the farthest away from God that I have ever been since I was saved. I didn’t want to think about God. I didn’t want to talk to Him. I HATED going to church and made every excuse that I could to not go or not do anything to get plugged in or get close to people there. I committed to working with the tech team and with the youth but my heart and passion for both ministries was gone.
People say that “Time heals all wounds.” This isn’t a wound that isn’t healing as soon as I wish it could. Every time that I turn around, there is a constant reminder of what happened. I went to see the movie Courageous with the men of Burnt Hickory and almost had to leave because the plot centers around the death of a child. Just last month, one of our best friends gave birth to their second son. Watching Steph hold him just for the few seconds that I could, was like pulling the scabs off those wounds from the doctors office all over again. I couldn’t even post to my journal here because every time that I did, there was the posts about the 2 pink lines and the drive home that awful day. As hard as I tried not to, each time I went to this site, there they were staring me in the face. The highest point in my life followed by the lowest.
So you are probably asking yourself, if these times were so bad, why am I dwelling on them here again? I’m not dwelling on them, I am putting them behind me. I stepped away from the tech team and stayed away from the youth for a while and we focused on finding a lifegroup at Burnt Hickory. We’ve been going to the Dodgen group for a couple of weeks and will probably stay put. The class is friendly, outgoing and involved in reaching others for Christ.
My passion for youth ministry is slowly returning. I have put my desire to return to my comfort zone, behind me and I’m wanting more and more to be back in ministry. I miss it a LOT and can’t wait for what God has in store for us either at Burnt Hickory or elsewhere.
So we have turned the corner I believe. I’ve made my peace with God. I know that no matter how far I can get from Him, He will always be close to me. I also know there is a reason that we had to go through this and one day, I will be able to ask Him face to face.
And that’s enough for me.

Dear God,
Today everyone talks about what they are thankful for. I am honestly thankful for second chances. You never turned Your back on me, when I turned my back on You. Never once….

Keith

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